Modern medicine has a way of complicating the simplest maladies- short rant by Erma Bombeck

Modern medicine has a way of complicating the simplest malady. No one has a common cold anymore. Its a virus and no one has a cure for it. They only know there's a lot of it going around. The 1st medicine prescribed said if I had heart disease, forget it. If I had diabetes, don't even think about taking it, and if I suffered from hypertension, get rid of it. In other words, I had to be healthy before I could take it.
The nose drops carried a warning saying I couldn't drive to work, which meant I could lose my job or let my nose run.
The pill to control my fever caused constipation, but the one to relieve my congestion might bring on diarrhea. I figured if I took them in tandem they'd cancel each other out.
The cough syrup said I couldn't operate heavy machinery (I interpreted that to mean the vacuum).
A liquid to help me sleep could make me nauseous and give me chills (I already had them).
The vitamin supplement carried this warning, "Could cause genital itching". I certainly want a refill on that one.
Hanging onto my cold seemed like my best shot.
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AN ALTERNATIVE TO MODERN-DAY MEDICINE
(Also known as the Robin Leach get-well-or-die-happy plan)
The next time you don't feel well, check into a great hotel costing about $150 (to $300 today - its still cheaper than a hospital) a day. The hospital room will run you $500 (that was a decade or more ago - I don't even know what they charge for a room today, but you're lucky to get out with a bill under $10,000 for a stay of more than a couple days).For $150 you get a suite with your own television and bathroom to yourself (probably wi-fi, maybe a jacuzzi, in-room coffee-maker, stocked fridge, etc). The room comes with a continental breakfast and a newspaper, plus a fluffy bathrobe that covers the ENTIRE body. There is valet parking for visitors.
There are deck chairs and a swimming pool, and when you don't eat everything on your plate, nobody cares.
You can read until you fall asleep and nobody wakes you up in the middle of the night out of a sound slumber to take your vital signs and give you a sleeping pill.
If you have a burning desire to see a doctor, there is a putting green nearby where you can meet and maybe have something cold to drink while you tell him what Reader's Digest (and/or the Internet) says about your condition. The biggest plus is that there are no forms to fill out for the rest of your life.
Not convinced? What if I told you that for the price of an ambulance ride, you could fly first-class to London?